Its about making memories worth repressing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
