btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
