things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
