I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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