i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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