Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
