I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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