Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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