My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
