she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
