He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
