Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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