How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
