You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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