i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
