her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
