I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
