He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
