dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
