East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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