I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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