If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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