found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
