Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
