Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
are you so shy because you have an std?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
