Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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