You don't have asthma, your pregnant
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
