do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
