pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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