Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
