i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
