on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Randomize
