so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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