At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
