Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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