pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
