now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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