how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
