Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
