I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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