That's intense
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
