I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
