She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
