We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
