is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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