well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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