I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
