Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
