At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
