My nipple is on Facebook.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
